Internal Auditors Need Outstanding Soft Skills Management Resources

Internal Auditors Need Outstanding Soft Skills Management ResourcesInternal Auditors Need Outstanding Soft Skills Management ResourcesInternal auditors take pride in their technical expertise. Their organizations count on them to know exactly how to help the business meet compliance demands and manage risks. However, many internal auditors today find thatto do their jobs effectively, they need to bring even more to the table soft skills.A top reason for the growing importance of soft skills in the profession is changing expectations about the role of internal auditors. Senior management is increasingly looking to their internal audit staff to serve as strategic advisors to the business. Protiviti, a Robert Half subsidiary, noted in the 2015 edition of itsInternal Auditing Around the World publication that internal auditors broad and deep perspective of operations, risks and potential opportunities can help inform business decision-making.Meeting this expectation requires internal aud itors to apply soft skills such as strategic thinking. In fact, in a new Robert Half Management Resources survey, 30 percent of finance leaders interviewed said strategic-thinking abilities are mandatory for all accounting and finance professionals. Employers want their teams to use their expertise to develop and execute strategies that can help the business to grow, increase profits and maintain skills.Soft skills help turn recommendations into actionsSoft skills are important for internal auditors to possess because they are essential to their ability to affect positive change in the organization.As the latest Global Internal Audit Common Body of Knowledge (CBOK) study, administered through The IIA Research Foundation (IIARF), explains Personal skills (communication, persuasion and collaboration, and critical thinking) are important for ensuring that the information, observations, and recommendations identified based on technical expertise have the appropriate impact on the enterp rise.Communication improves collaborationWritten and verbal communication skills - and the ability to listen - are important for successfully interacting with various departments throughout the organization as well as with outside resources like external auditors.Many internal auditors, and especially leaders of the function, will also find that mastering good communication is also essential for effective collaboration within their own team and for encouraging the best performance from millennial staff members.Developing soft skills is a processLike technical abilities, soft skills take time to learn. Critical and strategic thinking skills, for example, are earned and refined mostly through experience.As the CBOK report notes, Critical thinking is the most sought-after skill by internal audit hiring managers, but generally it is learned on the job through dedicated feedback and coaching from internal audit leaders. And few organizations even provide professional development for st rategic-thinking skills, according to our research. Lack of budget is often a key reason, as is the challenge in developing a robust program to teach these skills.Internal auditors who want to grow their nontechnical skills, particularly critical and strategic thinking abilities, may need to take the aktion to find ways to achieve their goal - and help advance their career. Letting your manager know that you seek development opportunities is a good starting place. If budget is an issue, suggest mentoring or job rotation as potential options for development. These arrangements demand the application of soft skills.Depending on where you are in your internal auditing career and the technical expertise you possess, working as a consultant is another strategy to consider. Consulting is a dynamic career that requires you to work with a wide range of people, adapt to different work environments, and constantly meet new challenges. All of the above can help you to accelerate development o f your soft skills.Looking for internal audit positions? Explore our site to find employment opportunities in your area.Search JobsAdditional resources for internal auditorsBlog A Look Ahead Internal Audit Hiring and Salary Trends Whether youre considering a career change or looking to advance along your current path, the growing field of internal audit provides ample opportunities for talented professionals. The latest Salary Guide from Robert Half offers a look into the future for specialists in this area. Learn more in this post.White paper Succeeding as a 21st Century Internal Auditor 7 Attributes of Highly Effective Internal Auditors Find out what nontechnical attributes todays internal auditors should possess in this white paper co-authored by Richard Chambers, president and CEO of The Institute of Internal Auditors, and Paul McDonald, senior executive director of Robert Half.Report 2016 Internal Audit Capabilities and Needs Survey Arriving at Internal Audits Tipping Point Ami d Business Transformation Development of personal skills has become an area of focus for many internal auditors, according to Protivitis latest Internal Audit Capabilities and Needs Survey. Read the details in this survey report.

Keep Your Job Search Alive in the Summer

Keep Your Job Search Alive in the SummerKeep Your Job Search Alive in the SummerLets face it. During the dog days of summer, youd rather be sipping a cold one on the beach rather than hunkering down in front of your computer to continue your seemingly never-ending job search. But its a good idea to continue your search, no matter what the season. Heres how to keep your job search alive in the summer.Reach out to old contacts. While its always important to keep in touch with former colleagues and bosses, its especially crucial when youre job hunting. Take the time to roll through your Rolodex (uh, contact files, for any Millenials out there who never actually used a Rolodex) of names to see who you can reconnect with. Aleidher good strategy is to review your LinkedIn contacts and profile for your job search. Let the person know that youre looking for a new position and find out if he knows of any openings. Be sure to follow up with a thank you (even if your interaction doesnt yield an y real job leads) so the person knows that you appreciate his efforts anyway.Ask for informational interviews. Youve applied for dozens of jobs and havent heard a peep back. Sure, its frustrating when employers dont respond after job interviews. What you need to do is eliminate the competition. This is how to do it Instead of adding your resume to a huge pile on a hiring managers desk, reach out directly to the CEO (or whomever would be your potential boss) and ask for an informational interview. In a short email, explain what you like about the company and how you would like to request a 15-minute informational interview to speak about your goals and how they could fit with the company. When you show interest (and knowledge) in both the organization and the persons accomplishments, its easier to get your foot in the door- and make a great impression.Update your social media. Summer is the perfect time to dust the cobwebs off your public Facebook profile page and add some snazzy new updates. Ditto for your LinkedIn profile, too. It can be as simple as posting a more current photo of yourself, or even letting potential hiring managers know that you just completed your Masters. Making sure that your profiles look fresh, clean and updated can go a long way in helping you find a new job.Attend networking events. You might feel like youve hit every networking event this side of the Mississippi, but you should still keep attending them. These events put you up close and personal with industry leaders who have the power to hire you- or connect you with someone who will. Another option is speed networking, which offers a great- and fast- way to meet potential new employers, and practice your pitch.Invite a potential colleague out to lunch. If its geographically convenient, its an interesting option to invite a potential colleague out to lunch. Similar to the informational interview, asking a person youd like to work with to dine and gab can be not only a great way to learn more about the company, but offer an in into the company. And since summer lunch meetings typically last longer, you might be able to score some extra time. Be sure to bring your resume and portfolio with you, but only bring it out when the person youve invited requests it. Above all, make sure that your lunch meeting doesnt sound like a desperate pitch for a job. Show interest in the company and what the person does in her role. That way, you can learn the ins and outs of the company and leave a good impression, should a job become available in the future.Summer days are anything but lazy when youre looking for a job. Take advantage of warm days to ramp up your job searching, and youll find yourself a step ahead of the competition.Readers, how would you describe summer job searching efforts? Let us know in the comments section below

Do you lack self-confidence, a must-have for business success Lets fix it right now

Do you lack self-confidence,  a must-have for business success Let’s fix it right now Do you lack self-confidence,  a must-have for business success Let’s fix it right now How many times have you been in a meeting with a man who’s clearly making it up as he goes, yet doing so with the utmost certainty? You’re thinking, Seriously? He doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about. I have an idea that’s much better. He, meanwhile, is confidently advancing his ill-considered position without a whisper of doubt. And while you hold yourself back from promoting your worthier position, he’s the one who ends up in front of the group waxing eloquent, drawing accolades, and advancing faster up the ranks.How about when you have a success? You’ve worked hard, come up with a new approach, brought in a new client or customer, or made a big sale. You deserve accolades, but do you lay claim to them? Or do you attribute the result to fate or to other people? I bet you do the latter. Men don’t. They fully acknowledge their own achievements, and often take credit for other people’s contributions. They are always the star of the narrative.What accounts for this gender gap? It comes down to one word: confidence. Studies consistently show that while their actual performances did not differ in quality, men consistently overestimated their abilities and subsequent performance, and women routinely underestimated both. This lack of confidence is devastating to our careers. We don’t consider ourselves qualified for our current jobs or promotions, we predict we will do poorly when faced with challenges, we hesitate before making key decisions, and we believe we don’t deserve job advancement or greater compensation. What begins as self-doubt quickly becomes self-sabotage.Succeeding in the business world requires more than competence. Our efforts to demonstrate that we deserve promotion, compensation, and success based on merit have been misguided because confidence trumps competence.The good news is that confidence is a skill, and like any other skill, it can be acquired. Step one is to just do it. Act as if you exude self-confidence. Fake it until you become it. Walk the walk and talk the talk.Imagine, for example, a woman who is petrified of public speaking. Her fears loom large- she’ll forget her talking points and just stand there silently, she’ll sound stupid or shallow, or she’ll start stammering and stuttering. Her stage fright is almost incapacitating. Despite these challenges, she forces herself to make a short speech to a small group of people. She practices and prepares. And she does it! There’s no standing ovation, but she does just fine. None of her fears materialize. What does appear, however, are the first blossoming signs of confidence. That single, small step toward mastering her fear of speaking is enough to give her the confidence to speak again. Next time, she may feel comfortable taking on a longer, weightier speech or speaking before a larger audience.Taking action. Risking. Doing. These things generate a belief that you can successfully perform a skill, and that directly generates confi dence. That, in turn, stimulates further action, and the cycle continues.Start with these actions:1. Stand up with confidenceKnowing that a substantial part of confidence is a choice can free you from the myth that you’re stuck at the level of confidence you feel now. As ambitious women, we can choose to expand our confidence. Starting now, you have to put yourself out there. Force yourself if you must, begin small if that’s what it takes, but you must act. Action breeds confidence.Stop brooding and doubting your abilities. End your self-sabotaging thoughts, and start taking action and taking risks. Once you see that you can do something, it bolsters your ability to take another action or face another risk.2. Speak upIf you have an idea or disagree with what’s being said, speak up. Shut down mansplaining and manterrupting and stop allowing men to appropriate your ideas as their own. When you are speaking, do not yield, and call out any man who interrupts you. If necessary, blu ntly say “Stop interrupting me and let me finish.” When you talk, make sure to use empowering language that exudes confidence.Never apologize before you speak. The word “sorry” should be banished from your vocabulary. Do you ever hear a man apologizing? Similarly, never caveat what you are about to say with prefaces such as “I’m not sure but” or “I might be wrong but.” If you discount what you’re about to say, good luck having the men take you seriously. Use direct, forceful language.Male speech patterns are more assertive, direct and succinct. Women’s speech patterns are perceived as weak, unassertive, and tentative. Use short sentences. This makes it harder for people to interrupt you.3. Show upDisplay your true grit, a combination of mental toughness, courage, hard work, and sometimes sheer stubbornness to keep going until you reach a goal. Reaching that goal is usually a marathon, not a sprint. Demonstrate the tenacity to continuously prove yourself.Seize t he next challenge and keep achieving. Push back against those who deny you what you need.4. Smarten upFocus on earning respect, not popularity. As women, we tend to be people-pleasers and hyper-sensitive to nuance. Don’t obsess over being “likable.” “Most men aren’t worried about being ‘likeable,’ so you have to get over it. If you’re good enough at your job, it doesn’t matter. Understand that success is not a popularity contest. Women have to learn to withstand disapproval and criticism and, when necessary, to take hard, contrary positions.The most likable people are not regarded as leaders. Instead, to achieve success be respected, decisive, and inspiring.Linda Jane Smith’s new book, Smashing Glass Kicking Ass: Lessons from the Meanest Woman Alive, is available at Amazon as well as other online booksellers. To learn more, visit Linda on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and at TheMeanestWomanAlive.com.

Wabi-Sabi The Japanese philosophy for a perfectly imperfect life

Wabi-Sabi The Japanese philosophy for a perfectly imperfect life Wabi-Sabi The Japanese philosophy for a perfectly imperfect life Life is unpredictable. And that’s okay. Embrace it.When nothing is certain, everything is possible!Your plans for tomorrow, next month or next year may not unfold as you expect. But it’s important to make plans and move on.Landon Donovan once said, “Life isn’t perfect, of course, but we all know it’s how you react to things that counts.”Imperfection is the basic principle of Wabi-Sabi, the Japanese philosophy of accepting your imperfections and making the most of life.“Wabi” is said to be defined as “rustic simplicity” or “understated elegance” with a focus on a less-is-more mentality.“Sabi” is translated to “taking pleasure in the imperfect.”The concept of wabi-sabi, is wide and almost impossible to distill in a single post, but can easily be applied simply to moments of everyday life.The relentless pursuit of perfection - in possessions, relationships, achievements - often leads to stress, anxiety, depression and hasty judgement.This is where wabi- sabi invites a pause.The Japanese philosophy encourages us to focus on the blessings hiding in our daily lives, and celebrating the way things are rather than how they should be. Wabi-sabi prizes authenticity.Wabi-Sabi is “a way of life that appreciates and accepts complexity while at the same time values simplicity,” writes Richard Powell in his book, Wabi Sabi Simple.Richard says it acknowledges three simple realities:“Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect.”In Zen philosophy, there are seven aesthetic principles in achieving wabi-sabi: Kanso - simplicity Fukinsei - asymmetry or irregularity Shibumi - beauty in the understated Shizen - naturalness without pretense Yugen - subtle grace Datsuzoku - freeness Seijaku - tranquility The timeless wisdom of wabi-sabi is more relevant now than ever for modern life, as we search for meaning and fulfillment beyond materialism.Wabi-sabi is like minimalism with a conscious choice.The concept has its roots in the traditional Japanese tea ceremony.A common explanation is the example of a well-loved teacup, made by an artist’s hands, cracked or chipped by constant use.Such traces remind the observer that nothing is permanent - even fixed objects are subject to change.A great example of wabi-sabi in creativity is the art of kintsugi, where cracked pottery is filled with gold dusted lacquer as a way to showcase the beauty of its age and damage rather than hiding it.The fault is not hidden but highlighted.This is not to say the Craftsman was sloppy (wabi-sabi isn’t an excuse for poor craftsmanship). Wabi-sabi draws attention to the cracks in a tea cup as part of the beauty of the object.In his book The Unknown Craftsman, Soetsu Yanagi argues that imperfections are neces sary for a full appreciation of the object and the world.We in our own human imperfections are repelled by the perfect, since everything is apparent from the start and there is no suggestion of the infinite. Wabi-sabi is everywhere, you just need to know how to look, and what to do to embrace the concept in your life.The cracks in the old teacup are seen as assets rather than flaws.“Wabi-sabi is a different kind of looking, a different kind of mindset,” explains Robyn Griggs Lawrence, author of Simply Imperfect: Revisiting the Wabi-Sabi House. “It’s the true acceptance of finding beauty in things as they are,” he says.What does it take to embrace Wabi-sabi in your life?Robyn explains that you don’t money, or special skills to appreciate your imperfections and make the most of life.Bringing wabi-sabi into your life doesn’t require money, training, or special skills. It takes a mind quiet enough to appreciate muted beauty, courage not to fear bareness, willingness to accept things as they are - without ornamentation. It depends on the ability to slow down, to shift the balance from doing to being, to appreciating rather than perfecting.Mike Sturm says Wabi-sabi is about acce pting yourself and building on what you already have in life. He writes.Embracing wabi-sabi is as easy (or as difficult) as understanding and accepting yourself - imperfections and all. It’s about being compassionate with yourself as you are, and building on whatever that is - not feverishly trying to rebuild yourself in order to pose as something else entirely.Today, appreciation of the things we have, people we love, and the experiences we have the opportunity to weave into our lives is losing value.Wabi-sabi represents a precious cache of wisdom that values tranquillity, harmony, beauty and imperfection, and can strengthen your resilience in the face of materialism.It gently motions you to relax, slow down, step back from the hectic modern world and find enjoyment and gratitude in everything you do.Put simply, wabi-sabi gives you permission to be yourself.Embrace the perfection of being imperfectly you.Before you go …If you enjoyed this post, you will love Postanly Weekly, my free weekly digest of the best posts about behavior change that affect health, wealth, and productivity. Join over 50,000 people on a mission to build a better life. Courses: Thinking in Models, and Kaizen Habits.This article first appeared on Medium.

Sample Internship Interview Questions

Sample Internship Interview Questions Sample Internship Interview Questions As you prepare for your internship interview, be ready to address your key skills and accomplishments that you have listed on your resume. You will want to not only know your resume well but be able to speak about it and tell stories that will illustrate your strengths and let the organization know what you have to offer them as a potential new employee (which could very well happen if you excel at your internship). In an interview, you will want to start and end strong. It only takes 60 seconds to make a positive first impression so starting off strong is crucial to having a successful interview. At the end of an interview, you want to make yourself a memorable candidate by also leaving on a strong note. In these two instances, it’s important to take the lead with a strong handshake, a smile, and thank the interviewer for taking the time to meet with you. I’ve listed some of the standard interview questions that are generally asked below along with more specific and behavioral questions as well. General Interview Questions Tell me a little bit about yourself.What are your strengths and weaknesses?What accomplishments are you most proud of?Do you work better under pressure or with time to plan and organize?Why are you interested in this internship?Why should we consider you for this internship?What do you know about this industry/company?How would your faculty/friends/co-workers describe you?What three words would you choose to best describe yourself?Why did you choose your major? Behavioral Interview Questions Give an example of how you’ve dealt with a conflict with another person.Tell me a story either personal or professional that paints a picture of you.Describe a situation where your judgment proved to be an invaluable contribution to a team.How do you handle meeting tight deadlines?Give an example of how you set goals and achieve them.What do you do when your schedule is interrupted? Give an example of how you handle this.Give an example of how you work on a team.Can you remember a time when you handled a difficult situation with another student or co-worker? What did you do? Share an example of how you’ve been able to motivate team members.Describe how you would handle a difficult relationship that you felt was holding you back on the job. When interviewing for an internship, candidates should not only be prepared to answer questions similar to those above; but will also want to be prepared for questions that are less conventional than those that are normally asked. For example, interviewers sometimes will ask questions where the answer doesn’t matter. In these types of questions, the interviewer is looking to see the interviewee thought process rather than a specific answer. For example, “how many chocolate chip cookies would it take to go from the Empire State Building to Central Park?” Or, “if you were producing a movie who would be your main actors and what roles would they play?” As you’ve probably figured out, there is no right answer to either of these questions, so there’s no sense in getting flustered if you “think” you’ve answered these questions incorrectly. The key is to remain composed and confident and quickly move on to the next question. Tricky interview questions may be asked to see how much you know about the company culture as well as what are your personal values? Although you don’t want to change who you are when answering interview questions, you will want to do due diligence when researching the company before your interview and be thoughtful to your answers when answering questions that portray your personal value system, i.e., favorite musical artist, favorite movie, favorite TV show, or even favorite video game or social networking site. The answers you provide to these questions could help the interviewer decide if you are a good fit for the company.

How to Avoid Bad (or Mediocre) Employers

How to Avoid Bad (or Mediocre) Employers How to Avoid Bad (or Mediocre) Employers Its always a good idea for job seekers to make sure that their application materials are perfect. Take the time to make sure your resumes and cover letters are targeted to the jobs you are applying for. Then,   check, double check, and triple check, for typos and grammatical errors. Most job seekers do a good job of making sure everything they send is perfect. What happens, though, when someone goes to all that effort, only to discover that the employer doesnt pay similar attention to detail? There are some warning signs to watch for that can indicate the job youre applying for might be a nightmare. When the Company Isnt Professional An example is the email I received from Sonya who said, I sent my resume, portfolio URL, and cover letter to a company last week; addressed to a Vice President as indicated in the advertisement. Several days later I got back a letter that was grammatically incorrect and unprofessional. I guess you could say at least I got a reply. She went on to say, Sometimes you just get a little put off when you try so hard to do things correctly and you either dont get a response or you get a really bad one from someone who has the title of Vice President. Id be put off too, and, to be honest, Id wonder whether I would want to work for a company that was that unprofessional. Communication Skills Matter Its not just written communications. It can be off-putting to be called repeatedly by an overly aggressive recruiter who has an opportunity that is absolutely too good for you to pass up, but, who cant divulge the employer until much later in the hiring the process. Im not impressed, either, by hiring managers who dont show up for interviews, without rescheduling in advance. One job seeker I spoke to me told me he spent over an hour getting to the interview site, only to be told by a secretary that he needed to come back at a later date. Keep in mind, that even if you need a job very badly, you dont have to accept a job youre not comfortable with. All of the above scenarios are red flags and should give you pause. At the least, you will want to consider whether the employer who doesnt communicate effectively or appropriately is one you want to work for. Warning Signs to Watch For Poor Communication SkillsWhen an employer cant communicate effectively, by email, phone, or in writing, with candidates for employment, be careful. If all their communications are handled that way, how well are they running a business? OversellingWhenever I hear a recruiter or hiring manager say that you absolutely cant pass up this opportunity and you have to send your resume, drop everything and interview, etc. right now, I wonder what the sense of urgency is. Perhaps, its a legitimate opportunity that needs to be filled immediately or maybe its just an overzealous recruiter or manager trying to meet a hiring quota. Limited Contact InformationVague contact information (no contact person or company name) and phone numbers that dont show up on Caller ID are another warning sign. You should be able to easily search Google and find the company and company information. Jobs That Sound too Good to be TrueThat old mantra that if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is, still holds true. One person who was in the midst of a job search was told by a recruiter that an employer was hiring a high-level executive for a top secret multi-million start-up company. When the job seeker inquired further, he found out that the start-up wasnt funded, that it had no existing products or even a marketing plan. What a Job Seeker Can DoThere are a few things you can do when you see a red flag. You can stop, or at least, halt the hiring process temporarily while you research the company. There isnt anything the matter with delaying sending your resume or scheduling an interview if youre hesitant about whether you want to work for the company. Research the CompanyGoogle the company name to find out what you can discover about it online. Check the companys LinkedIn and social pages to see what information you can find. Check sites like Glassdoor and read company reviews which can help you decide whether to continue with the hiring process  or not. Use Your ConnectionsIf you have a connection that will help you find inside information, use it. Do you know someone who works there? Ask them about the company. If you belong to a professional association, they may be able to help you network with people who can give you advice. Use online networking resources, like LinkedIn, as well. You may be surprised at how much you can find out. How to Say No (Thank You) Its important to keep in mind that not all companies are good companies. They dont all operate professionally, and you may not want to work for a company that doesnt match your standards. You always have the option of declining an interview, withdrawing your candidacy for employment, or declining a job offer. When it comes to accepting a position, the ball is in your court, and youll want to make an educated, informed decision to be sure the opportunity is the right one for you.

This is how to get people to do what you say at the office

This is how to get people to do what you say at the office This is how to get people to do what you say at the office As anyone who has experienced a miscommunication at work knows all too well, giving instructions is not as easy as telling someone what to do. You tell an employee to do one thing, and they ended up doing something that’s … different. What went wrong? You thought you outlined your awesome plan well.Usually, mishaps between expectations and reality happen because the task was not communicated in a way the recipient could understand or follow. Learning to give good instructions goes beyond communicating the objective. It means providing guidance, direction, and support along with the intended goal.Employees cannot get to your intended destination if you don’t provide a map, if you don’t tell them about the bumpy road along the way, and the shortcuts they’re allowed to take. It’s a skill every employee - wherever you fall on the office ladder - needs.Here’s how to do it right.1) Make your expectations clearGiving an instruction means erring on the side of over-communicat ion and explicitly stating your expectations of when, how, and why your instruction should be carried out.Spelling out your instruction means that you give deadlines with dates. Your “as soon as possible” may be different from someone else’s. Spelling it out means providing examples of best practices and pitfalls to avoid.Spelling it out also means you anticipate the follow-up question because you’ve done your homework and have studied the players involved.Harvard Business Review says that work delegation begins with gauging an employee’s competence level: The spectrum begins with doing the task for them, then progresses to teaching them how to ask questions and do the role themselves, and then graduates to your instruction becoming support and guidance because your employee is fully capable.If the manager giving you marching orders is not giving the level of guidance that you need, you should ask for it. One lesson that’s stayed with me is to ask a boss, “What’s a s urprise to you?” in the early stages of our relationship. That way, I can do my job with a solid foundation of what problems to flag and avoid before they become real problems.2) Instruct like a coachThe coaches you see in sports aren’t just cheering their players on. They’re watching the game and provide in-game feedback, so that mistakes don’t turn into catastrophes. This coaching philosophy should be applied whenever you give an instruction at work.Talking like a coach is what managing expert Bruce Tulgan advises for workers. In his book, “It’s Okay to Be the Boss: The Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Manager Your Employees Need,” he advises managers to focus on specific instances of individual performance and give honest critiques of those performances, so that the process can improve. You say what’s going well and what’s not. You measure and document progress.Reminiscing of the demanding, successful coaches in his life, Tulgan said that this active coaching works because it not only makes expectations clear, it sets those expectations high. “You remind them to be purposeful about every single detail. You help them build their skills one day at a time. From focusing, they learn focus itself,” he writes.3) Make an order a dialogueWhen you tell an employee, “Here’s what I need from you,” you also need to ask them, “What do you need from me to do this?”Giving an instruction means understanding the motivations and limitations of the person you’re instructing. To gain this knowledge, you need to be in regular dialogue with this person.This ongoing dialogue is what Tulgan advises for workers. In his book, he writes that by checking in regularly, “the stronger and more informed your judgments will be about what can be done and what cannot, what resources are necessary, what problems may occur, what expectations are reasonable, what goals and deadlines are sufficiently ambitious, and what counts as success versus failure.”To make yourself heard and understood, you have to learn what language the employee is speaking, and recognize that the dialogue that works for one employee may not work for another. This constant monitoring and tuning of the people around you is how you turn a plan into a plan of action that will be followed.

How managers should deal with conflict between two employees

How managers should deal with conflict between two employees How managers should deal with conflict between two employees How do managers generally deal with conflict between two employees?Rarely do workplace conflicts just explode out of nowhere. Two people don’t have a heated argument in a hallway the moment some sort of disagreement occurs.That type of conflict grows over time.There’s typically a very clear buildup stage when a conflict is developing, expanding to the point where it boils over. But many times, the parties involved don’t recognize they’re in that buildup phase. They’re too close to the issue to see what’s happening.As their leader, you need to be able to recognize an advancing issue. Sensing growing tension is the one skill you really need when it comes to defusing conflicts between employees.Because when you recognize the buildup, you have a chance to work on the “build-down.” You have an opportunity to manage the tension in a way that’s productive, before it erupts.Why Conflicts OccurWhen employees clash, they’re generally operating in a zero-sum manner- someone comes out on top, while the other person loses out.We used to think of negotiations as distributive bargaining. There is a fixed “pie,” and we are trying to cut it up to get more. But the best negotiators don’t think like that. They think of “expanding the pie” and creating a solution that accounts for the needs, values, and fears of each party.This is the benefit to thinking about conflict as a negotiation.At my previous job, we used to track these types of conflictual issues very carefully. Then, at the end of the year, we would go back through all the conflicts to examine what caused them. About 90% of the time, it was related to communication. Something was communicated poorly, misunderstood, or not communicated at all.Maybe someone didn’t find out about a change in policy until it was already happening. Maybe a promotion didn’t sit well because the reasoning behind it wasn’t properly communicated. Whatever the case, it almost always came down to a lack of clarit y about goals, processes, roles, or something else.And when communication fails, tension builds.Monitoring The BuildupYour ability to solve a conflict (or really prevent one) is directly related to your ability to notice the buildup. Everyone can be a leader in this situation.The leader is the one who recognizes the buildup and takes charge of the situation.You have the ability to show leadership by bringing the parties together and saying, “Here are the commonalities. We’re not that far apart. How can we create a viable solution for everyone?”That means you have to be on top of what’s going on. Monitor that building tension and find the right time to defuse it. This is everyday leadership.I had to do just that a couple weeks ago.Tension was rising because someone on our team was making a point repeatedly, but they didn’t feel like anyone was listening.It was uncomfortable for everyone in the room. But if you can recognize the buildup, you can let it “ride” for a while .I could have cut it off right as it started, but it was better to go through that uncomfortable meeting. I knew that both parties were focused on having the best outcome. We gave the constructive conflict some runway.It’s important to provide room for some conflict to develop. I know that sounds backwards, but there’s value in a conflict between two people who genuinely want the best outcome. We ended up with a better outcome because of the process.Allowing For Constructive ConflictThink back to any argument you’ve had that ended in some sort of agreement. In the beginning, both parties work from different angles. There was tension, maybe even anger. That’s conflict.An element of tension and conflict is always necessary if your standards are high. It enables all of us to think in a deep manner to resolve priorities and issues. Both sides have to air their positions on the issue. Hard questions are asked. Issues are worked through. The conflict leads to a much better solutio n.You can’t go around walking on eggshells at work. A company can’t operate in passive-aggressive environment that’s full of simmering tensions. At some point, issues need to be addressed so that the team can resolve them.Enabling conflict is healthy for teams, as long as everyone is focused on the end objective and not personal gain. If the conflict is happening because of ego or pride, then the conflict isn’t constructive. If the conflict is no longer healthy, and boils over, you need to put an end to it.And as a leader in the office, it’s your job to recognize building conflict and tension- and make a decision when you recognize it’s no longer constructive. Learn to see that buildup happening, and work to head it off before it becomes something really explosive that brings down your team.This post was originally published on Quora.com.

How to say no to your boss without looking lazy or incompetent

How to say 'no' to your boss without looking lazy or incompetent How to say 'no' to your boss without looking lazy or incompetent When you’re invited to a networking event that sounds kind of blah, you can generally respond with, “I’m not interested; thanks” and feel okay about it.But try this same tactic with your boss and you’ll be met with some serious eyebrow raising.Follow Ladders on Flipboard!Follow Ladders’ magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and more!While employees around the country are challenging their employers to address political issues, saying “no thanks” to your boss when she assigns you a new project could signal you’re lazy or disinterested.Even if you’re overwhelmed with other projects, or if you’re not sure you’re the best person to complete this task, you never want to say “no” flat out or right away.Instead, you’ll want to think about how you can say “yes.”According to Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and author of ” The Humor Advantage,” the question should always be, “How can we† - as in, you and your boss - “say ‘yes’ together?”To find out how best to respond in this situation, Business Insider consulted Kerr and Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of ” Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job,” on how to say “no” in different scenarios. Read on for their best advice.If you’re already overloaded with other assignments:“I would be happy to do that project, but what that could mean is that [whatever other project you’re working on] will have to be put off until tomorrow, because I was actually going to spend the next three hours finishing that proposal. Would you like me to put that off?”That’s according to Taylor, who said that “most managers are just going to continually feed you more and more material until you say, ‘Stop’ or ‘If you give me X, then Y is going to suffer.'”In other words, you need to stay on top of your assignment list, because y our boss isn’t going to.Taylor said it’s also important to remember that you want to frame your response in terms of doing your best work.So even if one reason you’re worried about taking on another project is that you’ll have to stay until 10 p.m. tonight, you should communicate to your boss that what you’re really worried about is underperforming on your other assignments.To your boss, Taylor said, “it’s all about the end product.”You can offer to meet with your boss and show them exactly what you’re currently working on. Tell them, “I really want to get on the same page as you and make sure I’m doing what it is you want.”Kerr also recommended thanking your boss in this situation (seriously!) - if they’re piling on the projects, that means they have confidence in you.If you have multiple bosses who don’t always consult each other when they give out assignments:“Here are the other things that are on my plate. Perhaps you weren’t aware, but I’ve al so been asked to do [this other assignment] from [other boss], and they are doing this as a high priority. So I am going to need some clarification from somebody as to what gets the highest priority.”In this case, Kerr said, it’s important to have an “open and honest conversation” with at least one of your managers as soon as possible.Taylor said sending an email to your primary boss and copying the others works, too.You can say something like: “I understand that [whatever project your primary boss assigned you] is a priority for us today, so I’ll be spending the first part of the week focusing on that. Just to be on the same page, it looks like the latter part of the week, I’ll be working on the XYZ project with John and Jim. If there’s anything else I should be working on or focusing on this week, please keep me informed.”If you don’t think you have the right skill set to complete the assignment:“I would love to be able to add this to my work in the future, b ut right now I don’t feel like I’m equipped enough to do [this assignment]. I don’t have the proper training. Could we look at getting some training for me this year? Until I get the training, could I suggest that [one of your coworkers] handle it this time? Because I know he’s well-versed in [whatever area].”Kerr emphasized that you’ll want to come from a solution mindset. Instead of simply refusing the assignment, come up with a way to solve it - like getting training.You can even propose that you shadow the coworker who’s more skilled in the particular area, so you learn what to do for next time.“Express that sentiment, ‘I want to do it, but I want to do it right,'” Kerr said.If you’re not feeling confident that you could do a good job on this assignment - a situation Kerr said comes up fairly often in the workplace - he recommended telling your boss exactly that.Ask your boss if they can offer any help or suggestions. “Most bosses will respect you for opening up like that,” he said.Ultimately, Taylor said, “people who can set reasonable boundaries with their boss can be more well-respected in the eyes of their boss.”Someone who stays late every night to complete 16 different projects because they aren’t able to prioritize isn’t necessarily an effective employee.On the other hand, someone who leaves at a reasonable hour because they’re organized and know what needs to get done probably is. As Taylor said, “They just have their act together.”This article first appeared on Business Insider.

19 Amazing Companies Offering The Best Vacation Packages Hiring Now!

19 Amazing Companies Offering The Best Vacation Packages Hiring Now! 19 Amazing Companies Offering The Best Vacation Packages Hiring Now! What is it about the summertime that has many of us thinking, “Sheesh, I wish I had more vacation days!” Perhaps it’s scrolling through Facebook seeing all of our family poolside with a fruity cocktail or that one friend who seems to post endless photos of their exotic getaways. Whatever it is, the summer months can bring on some serious FOMO or “fear of missing out” as the young people  say. However, instead of letting jet-setting jealousy set in, let this serve as motivation to prioritize PTO as you search for your next job. After all, v acation time and work schedules are completely up for grabs when negotiating a new job or promotion. Think carefully about how much time your want off, or better yet, find a company with an unlimited PTO policy . Close out of the Facebook photo album of your college buddy’s Miami beach  vacay, and start browsing these amazing companies with some of the best vacation packages around. 1. Kabbage Company Rating: 4.6 Vacation Perks:   When it comes to benefits, Kabbage is continuously working to create a comfortable and collaborative environment for our team members (and their dogs!), all with an incredibly high laughter quotient. With unlimited PTO and  a six-week sabbatical program, plus in-office meditation classes and on-site courses, there’s a benefit at Kabbage for you. 2. Amgen Company Rating:   3.7 Vacation Perks:   Amgen touts award-winning retirement plans, combined compensation, and robust and inclusive benefits including incentives for healthy living and paid time-off for volunteering. Employees rave about three weeks vacation and two “shut down” periods during the winter holidays and the week of Fourth of July. 3. IKEA Company Rating: 3.8 Vacation Perks:   Employees say they can get three weeks per year at start of employment, five weeks per year after five years of employment, and seven weeks per year after 10 years of employment. Plus, IKEA  offers its 13,000 salaried and hourly employees in the U.S. up to four months of paid parental leave . 4. Memorial Sloan Kettering Company Rating: 4.1 Vacation Perks:   In addition to 12 paid holidays every year, employees are eligible for vacation time based on their job classification and length of service. MSK also offers backup childcare, backup adult/elder care, and work-life seminars. Plus one employee reports , “We are able to bank up to 200 hours of vacation time, which never expires.” 5. Monsanto Company Company Rating: 3.9 Vacation Perks:   Monsanto’s U.S. vacation schedule is generous, with full-time employees given four weeks in their third calendar year of service in addition to 14 holidays per year . Through unique family-friendly programs, Monsanto’s goal is to help employees keep the right balance of work/family life. 6. General Motors (GM) Company Rating:   3.8 Vacation Perks:   GM offers generous vacation time, generally ranging from 3 weeks to up to 6 weeks, based on service and approximately 16 annual paid holidays.  GM also offers flextime scheduling, an alternative work arrangement that permits salaried employees (in job assignments that are compatible and with leadership approval) to select the hours they will work within certain parameters (e.g., core hours during which all employees in a department are expected to work). 7. Capital One Company Rating: 3.8 Vacation Perks:   Capital One offers two types of time-off: (1) Non-exempt associates: The PTO program provides non-exempt associates with a “bank” of time that they can use at their discretion, such as for a vacation, illness or other time-off need. (2) Exempt associates: Capital One provides exempt associates the opportunity to earn vacation month by month from the date of hire . Also, associates can take 18 weeks for Maternity Leave, and 8 weeks for Paternity Leave, Adoption/Foster Care Leave, and Birth via a Surrogate. 8. Accenture Company Rating: 3.7 Vacation Perks:   Accenture’s paid-time off policy encompasses traditional vacation time along with paid personal time off and sick leave, providing flexibility for how, when and for what purpose time off is taken. The number of paid time off days is based on career level and workforce, but ranges from 12 to 27 days per year. In addition to Accenture’s paid time off program, employees receive nine paid holidays and Accenture employees are able to donate paid-time off hours to help a colleague in a time of need. 9. Ericsson Company Rating:   3.6 Vacation Perks:   One employee sums it up ,  â€œProbably one of the best vacation policy in the U.S.”  The exact rewards available to each employee vary from region to region, creating the flexibility to adapt our offering to suit different expectations, requirements and ways of life. Another employee reports, “Very comprehensive vacation plan including 3 weeks to start as well as holidays and floating holidays you could use as you wish.” 10. American Express Company Rating:   3.7 Vacation Perks: In addition to a groundbreaking parental leave policy , employees report a great vacation policy. “The longer you’re with the company, the more vacation time you accrue. Starts at 4 weeks, extra week accrues at 5 year increments (5, 10, 15 â€" stops at 15). You can purchase up to an additional week, also,” says one employee.  Employees can get 28 vacation days and can also buy and sell vacation each year , according to reports. 11. Kaiser Permanente Company Rating:   3.8 Vacation Perks:   Kaiser Permanente provides paid  vacation, holiday, and sick leave. Employees report receiving   15 days off per year initially and increasing depending on seniority.  As an employee, you are eligible for benefits according to your full-time/part-time status and the number of hours scheduled to work per week. 12. FedEx Company Rating:   3.7 Vacation Perks: FedEx offers paid annual leave, wedding leave, maternity leave and paternity leave.  One employee reveals , “New employees get 2 weeks vacation plus 4 days personal/floating for total of 14 days in year one. Then you get another week after 5 years and 10 years tenure.” 13. Intel Company Rating:   3.7 Vacation Perks:   In addition to annual vacation and paid holidays, Intel offers flexible work arrangements, paid and unpaid leave programs, and in some countries, paid sabbaticals.  Intel employees report receiving 3-4 weeks of vacation each year. Employees say the company’s “paid sabbatical program is great” - the program can allow workers to take four weeks of paid time off every four years or eight weeks every seven years. 14. T-Mobile Company Rating:   3.9 Vacation Perks:   T-Mobile employees say the company offers “very good paid time off,” with three weeks of PTO possible in the first year in addition to nine paid holidays. Employees say they can also increase time off allowances based on tenure. 15. Deloitte Company Rating:   3.7 Vacation Perks:   Deloitte employees say that with up to 25 days of PTO, they can get “SO much time off.” Unused time off can also be accumulated and used for next year, they report. 16. Eastman Chemical Company Rating:   3.8 Vacation Perks:   Eastman employees reveal  they receive “a pretty great amount of time off”. Employees say new hires can start with two weeks PTO and can re ach up to five weeks vacation time as they progress in their career. 17. Humana Company Rating: Vacation Perks:   Humana employees rave about getting more than seven additional vacation hours after every pay period on top of their three weeks of PTO and paid holidays . One employee reveals, “You can accumulate up to 200 hours and be compensated when you leave.” 18.   Glassdoor Company Rating:   4.0 Vacation Perks:   Salaried employees participate in our Vacation Matters policy that allows employees to take vacation time when they need it without worrying about vacation accruals. Hourly employees receive up to three weeks of Paid Time Off as well as two floating holidays and one day off each quarter to volunteer at the the non-profit of their choice. 19. JPMorgan Chase & Co. Company Rating:   3.6 Vacation Perks:     Employees say the company provides “very good vacation benefits.” They can get four weeks vacation, three personal days, and six sick days , in addition to nine company holidays. J.P. Morgan  employees are entitled to a variety of programs, ranging from maternity and paternity leave, back-up child care services, flexible work options, matching gifts, to discounts on banking services, electronics, arts and entertainment, fitness programs, travel and more. Editor’s Note: For “19 Amazing Companies Offering The Best Vacation Packages Hiring Now!” we explored the vacation offerings of popular companies chosen at random and verified information with the companies’ websites. The companies and jobs highlighted in this article are curated by the editorial staff, listed in no particular order, and do not necessarily reflect the official methodology of   Glassdoor’s official awards or honors . For more details about how companies and specific roles are considered for editorial coverage, please visit   Glassdoor for Employers.

Do you need to go to parent school

Do you need to go to parent school Do you need to go to parent school How do you entertain a grumpy three-year-old? My strategy is generally: (a) panic; (b)  rustle about in my bag for some breadsticks or â€" if she’s lucky â€" a colouring book; (c)  hand over my iPhone and let her watch some cartoons â€" all the while worrying I’m stunting her brain development.My friend, however, has a different strategy. One morning we were enjoying a coffee when, to distract her three-year-old daughter, she serenely reached into her bag and handed her a sheet of paper with six or seven three-letter words on it and a red pen. She then proceeded to read the words out at random, while her daughter correctly circled each one. It was impressive. I was horrified.I’d never considered doing similar activities with my own daughter, just four months younger. Although we read to her before bed each night, I’d always assumed formal reading and writing was just something she’d pick up when she went to school. Perhaps I’d got it terribly wrong.About a week later, whe n dropping my daughter off at nursery, I was handed a leaflet about parenting classes. Like many mums, no one taught me how to raise my children â€" I’ve simply muddled by on instinct and the odd book. But perhaps there’s a more evidence-based way to raise happy and successful kids. Maybe I needed to enrol at Parent School. © Thomas SlaterTrends in parenting have waxed and waned over the years. Although once upon a time, new parents simply fell back on the wisdom and experience of their extended families, doctors started getting involved from the late 19th century onwards. Today there’s no shortage of Supernannys, paediatricians and psychiatrists serving up often conflicting parenting advice. New parents can choose any number of approaches: attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mom parenting.Even politicians are getting in on the act. In 2012, UK Prime Minister David Cameron launched CANparent, a heavily subsidised network of parenting classes that aspire to teach us all how to become better parents. Parenting has become a public issue, which means it’s now eating up public funding.All of this begs the question: which approach is best? Whereas many parenting trends reflect the opinions of a single psychoanalyst, paediatrician or nanny, CANparent’s providers claim to draw upon the latest scientific research about how children develop and say their strategies are “proven” to make a real, positive difference to families. Others, meanwhile, claim that such evidence-based parenting policies are based on distorted science and undermine parents’ confidence in their ability to raise their children.“It transforms the meaning of family life,” says Jan Macvarish, who studies the impact of neuroscience on family policy at the University of Kent. “It says ‘we will be able to measure the quality of your family life by the intelligence or emotional intelligence of your child’.”Cameron’s intervention in this most personal area of fami ly life came in response to a report published in 2011, entitled Early Intervention: The next steps. On its first page sits an image of a healthy three-year-old’s brain and, next to it, a brain approximately half the size labelled ‘extreme neglect’. The report’s message is simple: “Many of the costly and damaging social problems in society are created because we are not giving children the right type of support in their earliest years, when they should achieve their most rapid development.”The report goes on to cite several scientific findings, such as the fact that a child’s development score at just 22 months can serve as an accurate predictor of educational outcomes at 26 years. And that while babies are born with 25  per  cent of their brains developed, their brains are 80  per  cent developed by the age of three. “In that period, neglect, the wrong type of parenting and other adverse experiences can have a profound effect on how children are emotionally  â€˜wire d’,” the report says. “This will deeply influence their future responses to events, and  their ability to empathise with other people.”It makes scary reading for parents like me who have largely muddled through their children’s early years. My kids, now four and two, have probably passed this key window of intervention. If I’ve been doing things wrong, it may already be too late.Yet many neuroscientists query the significance of this ‘critical’ window of development â€" or whether it even exists at all. “It may be important to intervene early because the early years come first and may influence later experiences, but later experiences can be very influential in affecting both behaviour and brain structure,” says Sir Michael Rutter, professor of developmental psychopathology at King’s College London.That said, why not start early â€" particularly if you can train parents to be more effective over their entire parenting career? There’s no denying the gulf that exists between the achievements of children from rich and poor areas by the time they start school. For instance, according to the UK’s Department for Education, in 2013, 52 per cent of all children reached a ‘good level of development’ at age five, compared to 36 per cent of children from poorer backgrounds who were eligible for free school meals. It’s a similar story in the USA. “If you look at overall measures of numeracy and literacy, what you see is a huge gap between kids from families in the top and bottom fifth of the income distribution,” says Greg Duncan of the University of California, Irvine, who studies the links between poverty and child development. What’s more, this gap widens as children age.It may seem logical, then, to look to the quality of a child’s parenting to explain it. Maybe these infant ‘underachievers’ simply need better stimulation or more rigid boundaries. © Thomas SlaterOne solution proposed by the current UK administration is paren ting classes from birth â€" not just for poor families, but for everyone. “We know that the single most important factor in a child’s development is the quality of parenting, yet babies don’t come with instructions included,” says Vera Azuike of CANparent. “Everybody could use a little extra advice or support, but it has to be the right advice.”Predominant among the classes offered by CANParent are those provided by an Australian company called Triple P (the Ps stand for ‘Positive Parenting Program’). Founded by clinical psychologist Matt Sanders, its original focus was helping children with aggression problems through a series of home visits and interventions drawn from social learning theory â€" the idea that children develop their model of values and behaviour from what they see and experience around them.Triple P claims to be one of the few parenting programmes that’s scientifically proven to work, having helped hundreds of thousands of families in 25 different countries to deal with issues ranging from temper tantrums and disobedience to bedtime dramas and teenage rebellion in the 30  years since it was conceived. Today it’s a private company, managed by the University of Queensland’s technology transfer arm, although Sanders â€" who directs the University’s parenting and family support centre â€" remains actively involved.“There are some key principles that we think are very important to children’s development,” he says. “The first is that kids grow up in an interesting and engaging environment with age-appropriate things to keep them busy. The second is that children will do better in a world of encouragement and positivity rather than criticism and putdowns. The third principle is really about boundaries and limits setting; parents should have clear ideas about what they expect of their children, and there should be consistent and predictable consequences if they break those boundaries.”Triple P doesn’t offer any cla sses on teaching your three-year-old to read. It does, however, offer a smorgasbord of other parenting interventions, from one-to-one sessions designed to help families experiencing serious difficulties to group courses and one-off discussion groups, covering issues such as developing good bedtime routines and managing fighting and aggression.I enrol on a two-hour discussion session entitled ‘Dealing with Disobedience’ at a Children’s Centre in Redditch, Worcestershire. Before going, I ask Sanders what he thinks I’d get out of attending a Triple P class. “More than anything else, I think it would give you time to pause and reflect upon how you are dealing with issues with your kids,” he tells me. “It would enable you to think about the kind of skills, behaviours and values that you want to promote to your children and provide you with a toolkit for accomplishing that.”I arrive, eager to learn the secrets of good parenting. The session is being held in a government-fu nded Children’s Centre in the middle of a large council estate. My first surprise is that many of the 12 parents in attendance already have multiple children â€" some of them teenagers. One of them is Rachael Kelly, 35, a mother of five from Redditch whose children range in age from nine months to 14 years. Surely if anyone knows how to parent, it’s her. But she tells me she’s hoping to get some new ideas: “Every parent hits a brick wall at some time or another,” she says. “Children are unique, and they all respond to things differently.”After introducing ourselves, one of the first exercises we are asked to do is list the problems we have faced as parents over the past month. I tick ‘complaining or whining’, ‘demanding things’, ‘answering back’ and ‘tantrums’. We then talk about reasons why children might be disobedient. I underline the section in my handout about tiredness or hunger being common reasons for disobedience â€" it strikes me that most sul kiness occurs when my kids have just come home from nursery or after they’ve woken up. Next, we are asked to look at a list of common ‘parent traps’ and tick those that might apply to us. I tick six of the boxes, including ‘giving attention for bad behaviour by arguing or negotiating’ and ‘ignoring good behaviour’.Our instructor explains the importance of praising children for doing the right thing, as well as pointing out when they’ve done something wrong. “Often you get what you praise for,” she adds. I’m encouraged to think of behaviours that I could look out for and celebrate, such as kindness, tidying up or simply playing quietly together. We’re also taught about setting limits for our children and backing those instructions up with consequences. Triple P advocates the use of ‘time out’ â€" taking your child away from a troublesome situation, possibly to their bedroom or another room, and having them sit quietly for a short time.None of this, frankly , is rocket science. The threat of time out already looms large in our household, although I hadn’t come across its gentler cousin, ‘quiet time’, where your reaction to disobedience is to make your child sit quietly near the activity they were doing for a couple of minutes while they reflect on what went wrong. Even so, I leave the session feeling uplifted. Talking to other parents reminds me that these issues are common, and makes me think I’m probably not doing such a bad job. Also, as Sanders suggested, taking two hours out of my usual routine to reflect on the values I want to instil in my children, and on how to achieve this, feels as though it was a valuable investment. © Thomas SlaterSeveral days after my course, I put my new parenting skills to the test. I take my two children to a local toddler group and my daughter hits the ball pit, showering multicoloured balls around the room. It looks like great fun, but as she meanders off to play with a large plastic kitchen I remind her that she needs to tidy up afterwards. I am ignored, so I try backing up my instruction with some quiet time: I ask my daughter to sit with me, and I describe how tired it makes me feel always having to do the tidying up. I beseech her to help me; I even suggest that we turn it into a competition, and it works. Soon all the balls are tidied away, and I thank her for working so hard. Although I feel like Supermum, it also feels a little bit contrived. Still, my daughter seems happy, and she responds to the additional praise with a big smile and a “thank you” in return.I call up Rachael and ask how she’s got on. She recounts a similar experience of using quiet time to emphasise the need to share a garden swing. She’s also taken a tip from a session on promoting good bedtime routines, constructing a chart to remind her son of what he needs to do before bed and in what order. “It is working brilliantly,” she says.Both of us feel a renewed sense of confidence in o ur ability to parent, and it seems we’re not alone. A pilot trial of CANParent in the London borough of Camden, Middlesbrough and High Peak in Derbyshire reported that 91 per cent of those who attended classes said they had learned new parenting skills, and 84 per cent said they felt more confident as a result. Seventy-five  per  cent thought their relationship with their children had improved.All the same, I wonder if parenting classes are really the solution to social inequality that some â€" including the UK government â€" would have us believe, especially considering that just 4  per  cent of eligible parents took up the offer of subsidised classes during the CANParent trial. Presumably anyone signing up for parenting classes is already motivated to try to improve their parenting.A week later, I attend a conference in Bristol where a number of parent class providers are setting out their stalls to the local authorities that commission (and pay for) their services. Although eac h of the providers is trying to hype up their unique selling point, as I work my way around the room I hear the same strategies repeated again and again: firm boundaries, loving and responsive care, positive praise.Like Triple P, most of these programmes draw on social learning theory as their base, with a smattering of attachment theory â€" the idea that a strong emotional bond to at least one caregiver is critical to personal development â€" on the side. Their founders tend to be child psychologists, keen to put their theories about how to get the best out of children into practice. But there’s also a financial incentive: an eight-week Triple P course costs a local authority approximately £250 per parent, while the Solihull Approach’s online course, which is marketed directly to parents, costs £39.Most claim empirical evidence that their interventions work, but some are more evidence-based than others. Sanders cites a recent study that measured outcomes from 16,099 families who had participated in a Triple P programme: “We found significant positive effects on child social, emotional and behavioural problems, plus significant effects on parenting practices and satisfaction,” he says. “These are persistent effects that don’t disappear once the parent has completed the programme.”It sounds impressive, and Triple P can indeed cite hundreds of other scientific studies, including randomised controlled trials, the gold standard for evaluating how effective a drug or intervention is. Often, though, these studies have relied on parental reports of child behaviour, rather than independent assessment â€" and if parents are feeling better, they may rate their children’s behaviour as less troublesome. The evidence for Triple P providing lasting benefits is also stronger for children with more serious behavioural problems, whose parents receive more intensive parenting support, than for the everyday child on the street whose parent attends group-based c lasses like I did.Other scientists have raised concerns about a high risk of bias and potential conflicts of interest in many studies that have investigated Triple P. “We found no convincing evidence that Triple P interventions work across the whole population or that any benefits are long-term,” wrote the authors of a recent analysis that compares previous studies of the programme.But Triple P isn’t the only parenting programme with such methodological issues, adds the report’s lead author, Philip Wilson at the University of Aberdeen: “In general, studies of the effectiveness of parenting programmes have been small, underpowered and have had methodological problems.”That’s not to say they don’t work. But if parenting classes are supposed to be a prescription for a better society, perhaps we should be demanding the same standard of evidence as we do for new drugs. “There is a real need for head-to-head comparisons of different parenting programmes which are adequat ely powered to see if there is any real benefit,” Wilson adds.I think back to my own Triple P experience. I certainly feel like I’m putting more effort into how I interact with my children. Even if it makes no difference to their long-term academic or social development, it’s difficult to see how this could be harmful. But it’s also true that I might have reaped similar benefits by going to a coffee morning and swapping tips with other parents.And the very fact that I had to seek expert advice to confirm that I’m good enough at parenting troubles some sociologists. “It worries me how many of the things that we all do naturally â€" reading, relaxing, cuddling, singing, talking to our children â€" have been repackaged in a commercialised and expert-led way,” says Macvarish. Although what we’re doing is probably no different to what our own parents and grandparents did when we were infants, we’re no longer just doing it to provide comfort or entertainment; we’re als o doing it to stimulate their brains.For some of us, that added sense of purpose can bring anxiety. I’ve certainly had moments where I’ve wondered if I’m doing enough cuddling, singing or reading with my children, or whether I’m somehow stunting their brain development by letting them watch more than an hour of television.However, most of the experts I speak to reassure me that what comes naturally is probably more than enough for most children. As Claire Hughes, professor of developmental psychology at the University of Cambridge, told me: “The difference between being an adequate parent and Supermum â€" well, it’s diminishing returns, frankly.” © Thomas SlaterAccording to Hughes, the children we really need to be thinking about are those “facing toxic levels of stress, and whose parents are unable to provide support because they are facing their own health problems or other concerns”. By placing such a strong emphasis on parenting, are we leaching resources away from other social issues that need to be tackled to really close the gap between rich and poor kids?“Partly what parents get from attending a parenting class is a sense of reassurance and the support and companionship of other parents, and that’s so important,” says Val Gillies at London South Bank University. “The problem comes if you present parenting classes as the key to social mobility.”So if inadequate parenting isn’t to blame for the poorer academic performance of children from low-income families, what is? Gillies points out that family income and parental education have a far greater impact on children’s educational attainment and wellbeing than any particular parenting style. Money doesn’t just buy your children toys, books and a house in a good school catchment area; it can also buy museum trips and foreign holidays, which enhance children’s knowledge about the wider world.“One of the roadblocks to literacy and more general achievement once kids get to school is the background knowledge that will enable them to understand what they are reading about,” says Duncan. “That kind of background knowledge is conveyed effortlessly in a lot of households with higher socioeconomic status.”Education is another factor that often goes hand in hand with affluence. Studies have found that highly educated parents are more likely to read to their children, and use a wider vocabulary and more descriptive sentences when speaking to them. They are also more inclined to use mathematical language â€" terms like ‘more’ and ‘less’ or ‘half’ and ‘quarter’.“Vocabulary development is critical for your ability to communicate, your understanding of the world and your ability to decode the meaning of novel words as you’re reading them,” says Fred Morrison, a psychologist at the University of Michigan. “A child’s understanding of mathematical language may also influence their rate of mathematical development and achievement in l ate preschool and the early school period.”Obviously, it’s easier to send mums and dads to parenting classes than it is to tackle inequalities in wealth or persuade parents to go back to college and boost their own education. Yet at least one study has suggested that when poorly educated young mothers return to school, their children’s academic performance â€" particularly their reading skills â€" also increases. © Thomas SlaterIn recent years, some American kindergartens have introduced a teaching method known as ‘Tools of the Mind’, which is specifically designed to foster a set of skills called ‘executive function’ in preschool children. “A good analogy is to an air traffic controller,” says Duncan. “It’s about being able to keep a lot of things up in the air at the same time, so it involves working memory, impulse control and being able to shift from thinking about one thing to another.”Until recently, executive function wasn’t thought to kick in until adolescence; it certainly wasn’t something people thought you could train. Yet some recent studies have suggested that executive function is a good indicator of later literacy, numeracy and general personal adjustment.In 2007, a study published in Science found that preschool children who completed a Tools of the Mind programme had higher levels of self-control than children who received a standard preschool education. One strategy that Tools of the Mind teachers use is engaging children in extended sessions of make-believe, where they are encouraged to plan scenarios that change as their play progresses and to swap roles.High-quality childcare has been shown to balance out some of the effects of social deprivation. Nursery teachers are often trained in how to teach basic numeracy and literacy to young children, as well as helping them to solve problems for themselves using a technique known as scaffolding. “You might have a child who is completely unable to do a jigsaw, but whe n supported by an adult they can complete it,” says Hughes. One potential alternative to parent classes is to skip the parents and target the children directly, using methods such as Tools of the Mind.Yet more recent studies have cast doubt on how much of a difference Tools of the Mind truly makes to children’s development. “If you really want to know what skills or behaviours best equip children to be successful at school, it’s not executive function; it is about getting along with others, and it’s concrete academic numeracy and literacy skills,” says Duncan. “It’s not a case of bringing three- and four-year-olds into a classroom and lecturing to them, but building structured learning experiences into their play activities.”Of course, middle-class, well-educated parents like me seize upon statements like this, wanting to know: how do I do that? And yet many of the things proven to be associated with better early school grades â€" immersing children in language, ta lking about mathematical concepts, scaffolding â€" are things we’re doing already. “Kids from middle-class families are generally supported to fulfil their potential, whatever their genetic tendencies,” says Adam Perkins, a personality researcher at King’s College London.Even so, middle-class parents aren’t perfect. If parenting classes have taught me anything, it’s the value of paying attention to your child â€" even when they’re being good. All too often I’ve caught myself using this kind of quiet time to check for emails or read Twitter, rather than taking an interest in what my children are doing. It’s a bad habit I’m trying to change.I decide against writing out three-letter words for my daughter to recognise, at least until she shows a genuine interest in reading for herself. Instead, I carry on much as before: asking my children to describe leaf shapes when we go for walks, singing songs about numbers and reading them a book or two at bedtime.Although most of us worry from time to time that we’re not being the best parents we could be, I’m inclined to believe that we don’t need experts to tell us how to raise our children if we’re honest about our anxieties and prepared to swap notes with other parents. In 1946, paediatrician Dr Benjamin Spock wrote the Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, which remains one of the bestselling books of all time. Its opening line: “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”How do you entertain a grumpy three-year-old? My strategy is generally: (a) panic; (b)  rustle about in my bag for some breadsticks or â€" if she’s lucky â€" a colouring book; (c)  hand over my iPhone and let her watch some cartoons â€" all the while worrying I’m stunting her brain development.My friend, however, has a different strategy. One morning we were enjoying a coffee when, to distract her three-year-old daughter, she serenely reached into her bag and handed her a sheet of paper with six or sev en three-letter words on it and a red pen. She then proceeded to read the words out at random, while her daughter correctly circled each one. It was impressive. I was horrified.I’d never considered doing similar activities with my own daughter, just four months younger. Although we read to her before bed each night, I’d always assumed formal reading and writing was just something she’d pick up when she went to school. Perhaps I’d got it terribly wrong.About a week later, when dropping my daughter off at nursery, I was handed a leaflet about parenting classes. Like many mums, no one taught me how to raise my children â€" I’ve simply muddled by on instinct and the odd book. But perhaps there’s a more evidence-based way to raise happy and successful kids. Maybe I needed to enrol at Parent School. § © Thomas SlaterTrends in parenting have waxed and waned over the years. Although once upon a time, new parents simply fell back on the wisdom and experience of their extended fam ilies, doctors started getting involved from the late 19th century onwards. Today there’s no shortage of Supernannys, paediatricians and psychiatrists serving up often conflicting parenting advice. New parents can choose any number of approaches: attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mom parenting.Even politicians are getting in on the act. In 2012, UK Prime Minister David Cameron launched CANparent, a heavily subsidised network of parenting classes that aspire to teach us all how to become better parents. Parenting has become a public issue, which means it’s now eating up public funding.All of this begs the question: which approach is best? Whereas many parenting trends reflect the opinions of a single psychoanalyst, paediatrician or nanny, CANparent’s providers claim to draw upon the latest scientific research about how children develop and say their strategies are “proven” to make a real, positive difference to families. Others, meanwhile, claim that such ev idence-based parenting policies are based on distorted science and undermine parents’ confidence in their ability to raise their children.“It transforms the meaning of family life,” says Jan Macvarish, who studies the impact of neuroscience on family policy at the University of Kent. “It says ‘we will be able to measure the quality of your family life by the intelligence or emotional intelligence of your child’.”Cameron’s intervention in this most personal area of family life came in response to a report published in 2011, entitled Early Intervention: The next steps. On its first page sits an image of a healthy three-year-old’s brain and, next to it, a brain approximately half the size labelled ‘extreme neglect’. The report’s message is simple: “Many of the costly and damaging social problems in society are created because we are not giving children the right type of support in their earliest years, when they should achieve their most rapid development.”T he report goes on to cite several scientific findings, such as the fact that a child’s development score at just 22 months can serve as an accurate predictor of educational outcomes at 26 years. And that while babies are born with 25  per  cent of their brains developed, their brains are 80  per  cent developed by the age of three. “In that period, neglect, the wrong type of parenting and other adverse experiences can have a profound effect on how children are emotionally  â€˜wired’,” the report says. “This will deeply influence their future responses to events, and  their ability to empathise with other people.”It makes scary reading for parents like me who have largely muddled through their children’s early years. My kids, now four and two, have probably passed this key window of intervention. If I’ve been doing things wrong, it may already be too late.Yet many neuroscientists query the significance of this ‘critical’ window of development â€" or whether it eve n exists at all. “It may be important to intervene early because the early years come first and may influence later experiences, but later experiences can be very influential in affecting both behaviour and brain structure,” says Sir Michael Rutter, professor of developmental psychopathology at King’s College London.That said, why not start early â€" particularly if you can train parents to be more effective over their entire parenting career? There’s no denying the gulf that exists between the achievements of children from rich and poor areas by the time they start school. For instance, according to the UK’s Department for Education, in 2013, 52 per cent of all children reached a ‘good level of development’ at age five, compared to 36 per cent of children from poorer backgrounds who were eligible for free school meals. It’s a similar story in the USA. “If you look at overall measures of numeracy and literacy, what you see is a huge gap between kids from families i n the top and bottom fifth of the income distribution,” says Greg Duncan of the University of California, Irvine, who studies the links between poverty and child development. What’s more, this gap widens as children age.It may seem logical, then, to look to the quality of a child’s parenting to explain it. Maybe these infant ‘underachievers’ simply need better stimulation or more rigid boundaries.One solution proposed by the current UK administration is parenting classes from birth â€" not just for poor families, but for everyone. “We know that the single most important factor in a child’s development is the quality of parenting, yet babies don’t come with instructions included,” says Vera Azuike of CANparent. “Everybody could use a little extra advice or support, but it has to be the right advice.”Predominant among the classes offered by CANParent are those provided by an Australian company called Triple P (the Ps stand for ‘Positive Parenting Program’). F ounded by clinical psychologist Matt Sanders, its original focus was helping children with aggression problems through a series of home visits and interventions drawn from social learning theory â€" the idea that children develop their model of values and behaviour from what they see and experience around them.Triple P claims to be one of the few parenting programmes that’s scientifically proven to work, having helped hundreds of thousands of families in 25 different countries to deal with issues ranging from temper tantrums and disobedience to bedtime dramas and teenage rebellion in the 30  years since it was conceived. Today it’s a private company, managed by the University of Queensland’s technology transfer arm, although Sanders â€" who directs the University’s parenting and family support centre â€" remains actively involved.“There are some key principles that we think are very important to children’s development,” he says. “The first is that kids grow up in an interesting and engaging environment with age-appropriate things to keep them busy. The second is that children will do better in a world of encouragement and positivity rather than criticism and putdowns. The third principle is really about boundaries and limits setting; parents should have clear ideas about what they expect of their children, and there should be consistent and predictable consequences if they break those boundaries.”Triple P doesn’t offer any classes on teaching your three-year-old to read. It does, however, offer a smorgasbord of other parenting interventions, from one-to-one sessions designed to help families experiencing serious difficulties to group courses and one-off discussion groups, covering issues such as developing good bedtime routines and managing fighting and aggression.I enrol on a two-hour discussion session entitled ‘Dealing with Disobedience’ at a Children’s Centre in Redditch, Worcestershire. Before going, I ask Sanders what he thinks I’d get out of attending a Triple P class. “More than anything else, I think it would give you time to pause and reflect upon how you are dealing with issues with your kids,” he tells me. “It would enable you to think about the kind of skills, behaviours and values that you want to promote to your children and provide you with a toolkit for accomplishing that.”I arrive, eager to learn the secrets of good parenting. The session is being held in a government-funded Children’s Centre in the middle of a large council estate. My first surprise is that many of the 12 parents in attendance already have multiple children â€" some of them teenagers. One of them is Rachael Kelly, 35, a mother of five from Redditch whose children range in age from nine months to 14 years. Surely if anyone knows how to parent, it’s her. But she tells me she’s hoping to get some new ideas: “Every parent hits a brick wall at some time or another,” she says. “Children are unique, and they all respond to things differently.”After introducing ourselves, one of the first exercises we are asked to do is list the problems we have faced as parents over the past month. I tick ‘complaining or whining’, ‘demanding things’, ‘answering back’ and ‘tantrums’. We then talk about reasons why children might be disobedient. I underline the section in my handout about tiredness or hunger being common reasons for disobedience â€" it strikes me that most sulkiness occurs when my kids have just come home from nursery or after they’ve woken up. Next, we are asked to look at a list of common ‘parent traps’ and tick those that might apply to us. I tick six of the boxes, including ‘giving attention for bad behaviour by arguing or negotiating’ and ‘ignoring good behaviour’.Our instructor explains the importance of praising children for doing the right thing, as well as pointing out when they’ve done something wrong. “Often you get what you praise for,” she a dds. I’m encouraged to think of behaviours that I could look out for and celebrate, such as kindness, tidying up or simply playing quietly together. We’re also taught about setting limits for our children and backing those instructions up with consequences. Triple P advocates the use of ‘time out’ â€" taking your child away from a troublesome situation, possibly to their bedroom or another room, and having them sit quietly for a short time.None of this, frankly, is rocket science. The threat of time out already looms large in our household, although I hadn’t come across its gentler cousin, ‘quiet time’, where your reaction to disobedience is to make your child sit quietly near the activity they were doing for a couple of minutes while they reflect on what went wrong. Even so, I leave the session feeling uplifted. Talking to other parents reminds me that these issues are common, and makes me think I’m probably not doing such a bad job. Also, as Sanders suggested, taki ng two hours out of my usual routine to reflect on the values I want to instil in my children, and on how to achieve this, feels as though it was a valuable investment.Several days after my course, I put my new parenting skills to the test. I take my two children to a local toddler group and my daughter hits the ball pit, showering multicoloured balls around the room. It looks like great fun, but as she meanders off to play with a large plastic kitchen I remind her that she needs to tidy up afterwards. I am ignored, so I try backing up my instruction with some quiet time: I ask my daughter to sit with me, and I describe how tired it makes me feel always having to do the tidying up. I beseech her to help me; I even suggest that we turn it into a competition, and it works. Soon all the balls are tidied away, and I thank her for working so hard. Although I feel like Supermum, it also feels a little bit contrived. Still, my daughter seems happy, and she responds to the additional praise with a big smile and a “thank you” in return.I call up Rachael and ask how she’s got on. She recounts a similar experience of using quiet time to emphasise the need to share a garden swing. She’s also taken a tip from a session on promoting good bedtime routines, constructing a chart to remind her son of what he needs to do before bed and in what order. “It is working brilliantly,” she says.Both of us feel a renewed sense of confidence in our ability to parent, and it seems we’re not alone. A pilot trial of CANParent in the London borough of Camden, Middlesbrough and High Peak in Derbyshire reported that 91 per cent of those who attended classes said they had learned new parenting skills, and 84 per cent said they felt more confident as a result. Seventy-five  per  cent thought their relationship with their children had improved.All the same, I wonder if parenting classes are really the solution to social inequality that some â€" including the UK government â€" would have us believe, especially considering that just 4  per  cent of eligible parents took up the offer of subsidised classes during the CANParent trial. Presumably anyone signing up for parenting classes is already motivated to try to improve their parenting.A week later, I attend a conference in Bristol where a number of parent class providers are setting out their stalls to the local authorities that commission (and pay for) their services. Although each of the providers is trying to hype up their unique selling point, as I work my way around the room I hear the same strategies repeated again and again: firm boundaries, loving and responsive care, positive praise.Like Triple P, most of these programmes draw on social learning theory as their base, with a smattering of attachment theory â€" the idea that a strong emotional bond to at least one caregiver is critical to personal development â€" on the side. Their founders tend to be child psychologists, keen to put their theories about how to get the best out of children into practice. But there’s also a financial incentive: an eight-week Triple P course costs a local authority approximately £250 per parent, while the Solihull Approach’s online course, which is marketed directly to parents, costs £39.Most claim empirical evidence that their interventions work, but some are more evidence-based than others. Sanders cites a recent study that measured outcomes from 16,099 families who had participated in a Triple P programme: “We found significant positive effects on child social, emotional and behavioural problems, plus significant effects on parenting practices and satisfaction,” he says. “These are persistent effects that don’t disappear once the parent has completed the programme.”It sounds impressive, and Triple P can indeed cite hundreds of other scientific studies, including randomised controlled trials, the gold standard for evaluating how effective a drug or intervention is. Often, though, th ese studies have relied on parental reports of child behaviour, rather than independent assessment â€" and if parents are feeling better, they may rate their children’s behaviour as less troublesome. The evidence for Triple P providing lasting benefits is also stronger for children with more serious behavioural problems, whose parents receive more intensive parenting support, than for the everyday child on the street whose parent attends group-based classes like I did.Other scientists have raised concerns about a high risk of bias and potential conflicts of interest in many studies that have investigated Triple P. “We found no convincing evidence that Triple P interventions work across the whole population or that any benefits are long-term,” wrote the authors of a recent analysis that compares previous studies of the programme.But Triple P isn’t the only parenting programme with such methodological issues, adds the report’s lead author, Philip Wilson at the University of Aberdeen: “In general, studies of the effectiveness of parenting programmes have been small, underpowered and have had methodological problems.”That’s not to say they don’t work. But if parenting classes are supposed to be a prescription for a better society, perhaps we should be demanding the same standard of evidence as we do for new drugs. “There is a real need for head-to-head comparisons of different parenting programmes which are adequately powered to see if there is any real benefit,” Wilson adds.I think back to my own Triple P experience. I certainly feel like I’m putting more effort into how I interact with my children. Even if it makes no difference to their long-term academic or social development, it’s difficult to see how this could be harmful. But it’s also true that I might have reaped similar benefits by going to a coffee morning and swapping tips with other parents.And the very fact that I had to seek expert advice to confirm that I’m good enough at parenting troubles some sociologists. “It worries me how many of the things that we all do naturally â€" reading, relaxing, cuddling, singing, talking to our children â€" have been repackaged in a commercialised and expert-led way,” says Macvarish. Although what we’re doing is probably no different to what our own parents and grandparents did when we were infants, we’re no longer just doing it to provide comfort or entertainment; we’re also doing it to stimulate their brains.For some of us, that added sense of purpose can bring anxiety. I’ve certainly had moments where I’ve wondered if I’m doing enough cuddling, singing or reading with my children, or whether I’m somehow stunting their brain development by letting them watch more than an hour of television.However, most of the experts I speak to reassure me that what comes naturally is probably more than enough for most children. As Claire Hughes, professor of developmental psychology at the University of Cambr idge, told me: “The difference between being an adequate parent and Supermum â€" well, it’s diminishing returns, frankly.”According to Hughes, the children we really need to be thinking about are those “facing toxic levels of stress, and whose parents are unable to provide support because they are facing their own health problems or other concerns”. By placing such a strong emphasis on parenting, are we leaching resources away from other social issues that need to be tackled to really close the gap between rich and poor kids?“Partly what parents get from attending a parenting class is a sense of reassurance and the support and companionship of other parents, and that’s so important,” says Val Gillies at London South Bank University. “The problem comes if you present parenting classes as the key to social mobility.”So if inadequate parenting isn’t to blame for the poorer academic performance of children from low-income families, what is? Gillies points out that family income and parental education have a far greater impact on children’s educational attainment and wellbeing than any particular parenting style. Money doesn’t just buy your children toys, books and a house in a good school catchment area; it can also buy museum trips and foreign holidays, which enhance children’s knowledge about the wider world.“One of the roadblocks to literacy and more general achievement once kids get to school is the background knowledge that will enable them to understand what they are reading about,” says Duncan. “That kind of background knowledge is conveyed effortlessly in a lot of households with higher socioeconomic status.”Education is another factor that often goes hand in hand with affluence. Studies have found that highly educated parents are more likely to read to their children, and use a wider vocabulary and more descriptive sentences when speaking to them. They are also more inclined to use mathematical language â€" terms like â €˜more’ and ‘less’ or ‘half’ and ‘quarter’.“Vocabulary development is critical for your ability to communicate, your understanding of the world and your ability to decode the meaning of novel words as you’re reading them,” says Fred Morrison, a psychologist at the University of Michigan. “A child’s understanding of mathematical language may also influence their rate of mathematical development and achievement in late preschool and the early school period.”Obviously, it’s easier to send mums and dads to parenting classes than it is to tackle inequalities in wealth or persuade parents to go back to college and boost their own education. Yet at least one study has suggested that when poorly educated young mothers return to school, their children’s academic performance â€" particularly their reading skills â€" also increases.In recent years, some American kindergartens have introduced a teaching method known as ‘Tools of the Mind’, which is specifically designed to foster a set of skills called ‘executive function’ in preschool children. “A good analogy is to an air traffic controller,” says Duncan. “It’s about being able to keep a lot of things up in the air at the same time, so it involves working memory, impulse control and being able to shift from thinking about one thing to another.”Until recently, executive function wasn’t thought to kick in until adolescence; it certainly wasn’t something people thought you could train. Yet some recent studies have suggested that executive function is a good indicator of later literacy, numeracy and general personal adjustment.In 2007, a study published in Science found that preschool children who completed a Tools of the Mind programme had higher levels of self-control than children who received a standard preschool education. One strategy that Tools of the Mind teachers use is engaging children in extended sessions of make-believe, where they are encouraged to plan scena rios that change as their play progresses and to swap roles.High-quality childcare has been shown to balance out some of the effects of social deprivation. Nursery teachers are often trained in how to teach basic numeracy and literacy to young children, as well as helping them to solve problems for themselves using a technique known as scaffolding. “You might have a child who is completely unable to do a jigsaw, but when supported by an adult they can complete it,” says Hughes. One potential alternative to parent classes is to skip the parents and target the children directly, using methods such as Tools of the Mind.Yet more recent studies have cast doubt on how much of a difference Tools of the Mind truly makes to children’s development. “If you really want to know what skills or behaviours best equip children to be successful at school, it’s not executive function; it is about getting along with others, and it’s concrete academic numeracy and literacy skills,” says D uncan. “It’s not a case of bringing three- and four-year-olds into a classroom and lecturing to them, but building structured learning experiences into their play activities.”Of course, middle-class, well-educated parents like me seize upon statements like this, wanting to know: how do I do that? And yet many of the things proven to be associated with better early school grades â€" immersing children in language, talking about mathematical concepts, scaffolding â€" are things we’re doing already. “Kids from middle-class families are generally supported to fulfil their potential, whatever their genetic tendencies,” says Adam Perkins, a personality researcher at King’s College London.Even so, middle-class parents aren’t perfect. If parenting classes have taught me anything, it’s the value of paying attention to your child â€" even when they’re being good. All too often I’ve caught myself using this kind of quiet time to check for emails or read Twitter, rather th an taking an interest in what my children are doing. It’s a bad habit I’m trying to change.I decide against writing out three-letter words for my daughter to recognise, at least until she shows a genuine interest in reading for herself. Instead, I carry on much as before: asking my children to describe leaf shapes when we go for walks, singing songs about numbers and reading them a book or two at bedtime.Although most of us worry from time to time that we’re not being the best parents we could be, I’m inclined to believe that we don’t need experts to tell us how to raise our children if we’re honest about our anxieties and prepared to swap notes with other parents. In 1946, paediatrician Dr Benjamin Spock wrote the Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, which remains one of the bestselling books of all time. Its opening line: “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”This article first appeared on Mosaic and is republished here under a Creative Commons licence.